7 Common Mistakes Made by Anxious and Emotionally Dependent People in Relationships

Have you ever found yourself obsessively checking your partner’s phone or social media, or feeling a knot in your chest when they take too long to respond to a message? If so, know that you're not alone.

Anxiety and emotional dependence can turn promising relationships into minefields of insecurity and conflict. For many, these emotions become significant barriers that, rather than strengthening the relationship, end up undermining it.

If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where the fear of losing your partner, the constant need for validation, or excessive jealousy took control of your behavior, understand that these unpleasant feelings are common, but they can be overcome through self-awareness, empathy, and emotional work.

In this article, we will delve into the seven most common mistakes made by anxious and emotionally dependent individuals in their relationships. If you recognize any of these behaviors in yourself, consider this your first step toward understanding your emotions and seeking ways to transform your relationships for the better.

1. Excessive Need for Approval

Have you ever felt like you constantly need your partner’s approval to feel secure in the relationship?

This need for validation may seem harmless at first, but over time, it can lead to strain. Frequently seeking compliments, repeatedly asking if everything is okay or if your partner still loves you creates a dynamic of dependency. The problem here is that the more you seek external confirmation, the less you believe in your own worth.

People who constantly seek validation are, in reality, reflecting a lack of confidence in themselves. This insecurity can lead you to place the responsibility for your self-esteem in your partner’s hands.

What is often seen as affection may be perceived as suffocating. To avoid this, it’s important to start working on self-love, cultivating the belief that you are valuable on your own, without needing constant external reassurance.

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2. Intense Fear of Abandonment

It’s natural to fear losing someone we love, but when this fear becomes a constant presence, it can dominate all your actions within the relationship.

Fear of abandonment is a common trait in anxious individuals. They are always on high alert, anticipating the moment when something bad might happen. Small changes in the partner’s behavior — such as a distant tone of voice or less attention on a particular day — are seen as signs that the relationship is in jeopardy.

This constant anxiety leads to behaviors that, instead of strengthening the relationship, may wear it down. Desperate attempts to ensure the partner will never leave — like demanding endless conversations about the relationship — can be exhausting.

Here, the key is learning to trust in the solidity of the relationship and, most importantly, in yourself. Insecurity is a silent poison that erodes mutual trust, but it can be neutralized when you start confronting your fears and working on your emotional self-sufficiency.

3. Controlling Behaviors

When we feel insecure, one of the first reactions may be to try to control our environment.

In a relationship, this can translate into attempts to control the partner. It might start subtly — asking who they’re talking to or checking their social media — but over time, these actions can escalate. The anxious and emotionally dependent individual fears losing control of the relationship so much that they try to manage every aspect of it.

This behavior not only suffocates the partner but also creates a sense of distrust. No healthy relationship can be built on control.

The desire to control stems from fear, and it is essential to address the root of that fear by learning to trust your partner and understanding that it is impossible to predict or control every situation.

4. Excessive Jealousy

Jealousy is a common emotion in relationships, but when it becomes a constant presence, it can cause significant issues.

Anxious and emotionally dependent people tend to see threats where there are none, creating scenarios of betrayal and disloyalty in their minds. This leads them to interpret small gestures, such as their partner having a casual conversation with a friend or colleague, as a risk.

Excessive jealousy erodes trust and emotional closeness. Constant arguments over harmless interactions may push the partner away, making them feel misunderstood or even unfairly accused.

Learning to manage this jealousy requires, above all, an internal shift. You must trust yourself more, understand that your partner chose to be with you, and realize that trust is the foundation of any lasting relationship.

5. Self-Sabotage

Have you ever caught yourself imagining negative scenarios in your mind? Anxious individuals frequently engage in self-sabotage by predicting problems and failures that have not yet occurred — and likely never will.

They envision betrayals, abandonments, and rejections, even when there are no real signs that these things are about to happen. This type of thinking creates a constant atmosphere of tension in the relationship.

When you act on these fears, you end up behaving defensively or aggressively, which can, in fact, trigger the very conflicts you fear the most. Self-sabotage is a dangerous emotional trap, but it can be overcome when you start to question your thoughts and differentiate them from reality.

6. Difficulty in Setting Boundaries

Establishing boundaries is a challenge for many emotionally dependent individuals.

They fear saying “no,” asserting their needs, or expressing their feelings, as they worry it will lead to their partner pulling away. As a result, they often tolerate behaviors that hurt them or sacrifice their own desires to maintain harmony.

Though it may seem contradictory, healthy boundaries are essential for a strong relationship. They demonstrate self-respect and help the partner understand your needs and expectations.

Learning to express how you feel, even if it means risking a minor conflict, is crucial for building a relationship grounded in honesty and mutual respect.

7. Lack of Self-Esteem

Emotionally dependent people frequently struggle with low self-esteem. They believe they are not enough and feel the need to constantly prove their worth to their partner.

This insecurity creates an imbalance in the relationship, where the dependent individual places the happiness and well-being of the relationship above their own needs.

It is vital to understand that, in order to fully love someone else, you must first love yourself. Low self-esteem not only affects your emotional well-being, but it also places unnecessary pressure on the relationship. When you begin to value yourself, you realize that external validation is not required for you to feel complete.

Paths to Healthier Relationships

Overcoming these mistakes requires effort and, often, professional support. Therapy can be a significant ally in the process of self-discovery and emotional transformation.

It is essential to understand that no one is born knowing how to manage their emotions, but we can all learn to cultivate more balanced and fulfilling relationships.

Building self-esteem, learning to trust, and establishing healthy boundaries are fundamental steps in this journey. The more you invest in yourself, the more capable you will be of experiencing a relationship where love flows freely, unencumbered by the shackles of insecurity.

Relationships can be challenging, yet they are also incredibly rewarding when built on solid foundations of trust, respect, and self-love.

If you resonate with the errors discussed here, remember that change is always possible. By acknowledging your weaknesses, you take the first step toward a healthier and more satisfying relationship.

The journey to liberate yourself from anxiety and emotional dependency may be arduous, but the growth it fosters is transformative.

With a commitment to your own emotional well-being, you will be better prepared to engage in relationships that, rather than draining your energy, nourish your soul and strengthen your true self.